Showing posts with label JOKES. Show all posts
Showing posts with label JOKES. Show all posts

April Fools' Day 2011 jokes from YouTube and Google

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    YouTube celebrates April Fools' Day, April 1, 2011, by coming up with this video of the Top 5 Viral Pictures exactly a hundred years ago, in 1911.

    The video compilation makes everyone believe that it's YouTube's 100th Anniversary and the featured videos here were some of the most popular videos in 1911 (when in fact YouTube was founded only last 2005) .

    Aside from YouTube, some other sites have also joined in playing pranks to their users this April Fools' Day 2011, such as the Google-owned Gmail, who brilliantly came up with a new feature, the Gmail Motion, where you can control Gmail with your body.

    Watch the instructional video and follow what the guy is saying:



    Videos courtesy of Youtube and Google



    Source URL: https://mykiru1.blogspot.com/search/label/JOKES
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Miss Universe candidates describe a male organ

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    Before the Miss Universe 2009 Beauty Pageant starts this August, a very funny joke is circulating on the net involving Miss Universe candidates, which include Miss Philippines.

    It has always been circulated everytime there is a pageant starting in 2004 and now, as the Miss Universe 2009 kicks off in the Bahamas two days from now, the joke emerges once more.

    In the said joke, some candidates from around the world are asked with the same question in the pageant's Q & A portion: How do you describe a male organ in your country?

    And here's how the joke goes:

    The FINALISTS : Misses USA, Spain, UK, Philippines, Iran, India and Japan

    QUESTION: Ms. USA, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
    MS. AMERICA : Well, I would say that male organs in America are like gentlemen.
    QUESTION : Why do you say that?
    MS. AMERICA : Because it stands everytime it sees a woman.....

    (Applause!.... Applause!)

    QUESTION : Ms. Spain, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
    MS. SPAIN : Male organs in our country are like toros in our very own bullfight.
    QUESTION : Why do you say that?
    MS. SPAIN : Because it charges everytime it sees an opening.

    (Applause!... Applause!)

    QUESTION : Ms. UK, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
    MS. UK: Male organs in our country are like Shakespearian actors and Heroes.
    QUESTION : Why do you say that?
    MS. UK: Because it cries after every performance and because it is buried alive.

    (Applause!... Applause!)

    QUESTION : Ms. Iran, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
    MS. IRAN : Well, I can say that male organs in Iran are like thieves
    QUESTION : And why do you say that?
    MS. IRAN : Because they always enter through the back door.....

    (Applause!... Applause!)

    QUESTION : Ms. India, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
    MS. INDIA : Well, I can say that a male organ in India is like a labourer.
    QUESTION : Why do you say that?
    MS. INDIA : Because it works day and night....

    (Applause!..Applause!)

    QUESTION : Ms. Japan, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
    MISS JAPAN: It's like an actor in a stage play....because it bows down after every performance.

    (Applause!..Applause!)

    QUESTION : Ms. Philippines, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
    MS. PHILIPPINES : Ahh...well, opcors, hihihihi...I can say dat male organs in our country are like chismis...
    QUESTION : Chismis???
    MS. PHILIPPINES : Ayy! Sorry... Its ano, ahh kuwan...it means GOSSIP in our language.
    QUESTION : Hmm... Interesting comparison. And why do you say that?
    MS.PHILIPPINES : Ayy...Dyahe!!!!Hi hi hi hi hi hi...Kasi....I mean because it passes from mouth to mouth..

    (STANDING OVATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
    Source URL: https://mykiru1.blogspot.com/search/label/JOKES
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Super Lolo

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What's my problem?

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Hiwalayan

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Mr. Lonely

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From My Inbox 001: A very sad story

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    La Sallista daw?

    Nag- aaral ako sa La Salle. Ang dami kong kaklaseng Intsik.
    > Apelyidong Uy, Lim, Tan, Co, Go, Chua, Chi, Sy, Wy, at kung anu-ano
    > pa. Pero sa kanilang lahat kay Gilbert Go ako naging malapit.
    > Mayaman si Gilbert kaya mangyari pa, madalas siya ang taya sa
    > tuwing gigimik ang barkada.

    > Isang araw, na-ospital ang kanyang ama. Sinamahan ko siya sa
    > pagdalaw. Nasa ICU na noon ang kanyang ama dahil sa
    > stroke. Naroon din ang ilan sa kanyang malalapit na
    > kamag-anak. Nag-usap sila. Intsik ang kanilang usapan.... hindi ko
    > maintindihan. Pagkatapos ng ilang minutong usap-usap, nagkayayaan
    > nang umuwi. Maiwan daw muna ako at pakibantayan ang kanyang ama
    > habang inihahatid nya ang kanyang mga kamag-anak palabas ng
    > ospital. Lumipat ako sa gawing kaliwa ng kama ng kanyang ama para
    > ilapag ang mga iniwan nilang mga gamit na kakailanganin ng
    > magbabantay sa ospital. Nang akmang ilalapag ko na ay biglang
    > nangisay ang matanda. Hinahabol nya ang kanyang hininga... Kinuyom
    > nya ang kanyang palad at paulit-ulit siyang nagsalita ng wikang
    > intsik na hindi ko maintindihan.
    >
    > "Di mang ta guae yong khee!".. "Di mang ta guae yong
    > khee!"... "Di mang ta guae yong khee ee!!!".. paulit-ulit nya itong
    > binigkas bago siya malagutan ng hininga.
    >
    > Pagbalik ni Gilbert ay patay na ang kanyang ama. Ikinagulat
    > nya ang pangyayari ngunit marahil ay tanggap na rin nya na papanaw
    > na ang kanyang ama. Walang tinig na namutawi sa kanyang
    > bibig. Ngunit iyon na yata ang pinakamasidhing pagluha na
    > nasaksihan ko. Nagpa-alam muna ako, dahil siguradong magdadatingin
    > uli ang kanyang mga kamag-anak. Sumakay ako ng taksi pauwi. Habang
    > nasa taksi.. tinawagan ko ang iba pa naming kabarkada. Una kong
    > tinawagan si Noel Chua. Dahil marunong si Noel mag-intsik,
    > tinanong ko muna kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng "Di ta mang guae yong
    khee".
    >
    > Ang ibig sabihin niyan eh ..."Huwag mong apakan ang linya ng
    > Oxygen !". "Bakit, kanino mo ba narinig 'yan?".
    >
    >
    >
    > .....Oooopppsssss ... patay ........



    Source URL: https://mykiru1.blogspot.com/search/label/JOKES
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Job interview

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    APLIKANTE: Sir, mag a apply po...

    BOSS: ano ba alam mo?!


    APLIKANTE: alam ko po na bakla ka...

    BOSS: tanggap ka na! JAHYUFF NATO!


    --------------------------------------

    Boss: Ano ang alam mo?

    Applicant: Alam ko po kung saan kayo nakatira ng misis mo,

    at kung saan naman nakatira ang kabit mo.

    BOSS: Tanggap ka na!

    -------------------------------------



    Source URL: https://mykiru1.blogspot.com/search/label/JOKES
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No Ears

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    There was this man who was in a horrible accident, and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the amputation of both of his ears. As a result of this "unusual" handicap, he was very self-conscious about his having no ears.

    Because of the accident, he received a large sum of money from the insurance company. It was always his dream to own his own business, so he decided with all this money he had, he now had the means to own a business. So he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business.

    He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The first interview went really well. He really liked this guy. His last question for this first candidate was, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" The guy said, "Now that you mention it, you have no ears." The man got really upset and threw the guy out.

    The second interview went even better than the first. This candidate was much better than the first. Again, to conclude the interview, the man asked the same question again, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" This guy also noticed, "Yes, you have no ears." The man was really upset again, and threw this second candidate out.

    Then he had the third interview.. The third candidate was even better than the second, the best out of all of them. Almost certain that he wanted to hire this guy, the man once again asked, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" The guy replied "Yeah, you're wearing contact lenses."

    Surprised, the man then asked, "Wow! That's quite perceptive of you! How could you tell?"

    The guy burst out laughing and said, "Well, You can't wear glasses if you don't have any ears!"
    Source URL: https://mykiru1.blogspot.com/search/label/JOKES
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George Bush Was Out Jogging...

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    George Bush was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

    The first kid said, "I sure would like to go to Disneyland." George said, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One."

    The second kid said, "I really need a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's." George said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!"

    The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!" George Bush is a little perplexed by this and says, "But you don't look like you are handicapped."

    The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!"

    From Jokes Unlimited
    Source URL: https://mykiru1.blogspot.com/search/label/JOKES
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Engineer In Hell

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    An engineer dies and reports to hell. Pretty soon, the engineer becomes dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
    One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer: "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
    Satan replies: "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
    God replies: "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gotten down there; Send him up here."
    Satan says: "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
    God says: "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
    Satan laughs uproariously and answers: "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"

    From Jokes Unlimited

    Read also:
    Standing Idiots
    Delicious Papa
    Empty StomachSource URL: https://mykiru1.blogspot.com/search/label/JOKES
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Busog Na Ako

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Standing Idiots

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Delicious Papa

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Empty Stomach

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A Fairy Tale Story

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    LOLA: Reypin mo ako, magiging prinsesa ako.

    BINATA: (sumunod) Ayan...Nireyp na kita. Bakit hindi ka pa naging prinsesa?

    LOLA: Ilang taon ka na?

    BINATA: 24.

    LOLA: Ang tanda-tanda mo na, naniniwala ka pa sa fairy tale?!Source URL: https://mykiru1.blogspot.com/search/label/JOKES
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When A Gay Smells A Gay (For Adults Only)

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The Promise

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    ENGLISH
    HUSBAND: Love, promise, from now on, i'd let go of my mistresses. I'm completely yours.

    WIFE: Wow, really? Oh thank you love. Muah Muah! I also promise...that on our next child, you're finally the father. I swear. Promise.

    TAGALOG

    HUSBAND: Luv, promise, simula ngayon iiwan ko na ang mga kabit ko.

    WIFE: wow, thank u luv! muah muah muah! Ako din, promise ko, ang next nating anak, ikaw na ama! Promise talaga.Source URL: https://mykiru1.blogspot.com/search/label/JOKES
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Choose The One That Suits You

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    TYPES OF JERS, JERBAK (tae)

    TUBOL - taeng matigas, gabato, masakit sa puet.

    MEKI_KEKWEK - eto un malamig na talsik ng tubig sa puet pagnato-tobol.

    BURABUS - sabog na tae, kalat sa buong inodoro.

    BUGRET - taeng malambot, my mga gulay, bits, corn, bellpepper.

    HUDINI - taeng biglang nawawala, wala ka ng ifu-flush.

    MCARTHUR - taeng bumabalik pagkatapos iflush. I shall return!

    LIGAPOT - taeng tubig, diarrhea, mabaho.

    BAHID - taeng nasa panty at brief dulot ng UST??

    UST - utot sabay tae.

    Alin sa 'yo?Source URL: https://mykiru1.blogspot.com/search/label/JOKES
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